.Saturday, May 31, 2008
oh my dearest mg girls.
private blog specially for you.
spread the love at 11:45 PM Y
.
:(
I've been having many many stressful days of work.
this has caused me to be very tired out by the end of the day.
yet, i have other problems to settle so i am unable to sleep at night.
the result, exhaustion.
yes, those of you who have met up with me the past 3 days will know that i'm exhausted.
i need proper rest, or i'm sure to collapse and faint and die soon.
i have the ugliest of eyebags and dark circles.
i see things in a blur now and i've got a terrible headache.
maybe it's just today cos i slept for about an hour or so last night before having to wake up and go to school.
why i couldnt' sleep is another problem that i don't really want to talk about.
looking at the recent photos i've taken, my dark circles are growing in circumfrance.
today, i even had bloodshot eyes.
i think i'm dying.
i've thought about things and i decided to keep a private online diary.
those really personal one with every little detail going on.
i wanted to write them in a book but i remembered the trauma and drama i went through when my mother read my diary when i was a kid.
it's my new way to dealing with my problems by myself.
learning new ways to be an adult and stop having to rely on people all the time.
i wanted to blog about the little children which i teach and my work there.
but i'm too damn tired. i'm physically tired.
any photos of anything i've done are on facebook. please refer to there okay?
I'M TOO DAMN EXHAUSTED :(
sorry peeps.
spread the love at 11:09 PM Y
.
ask about my grades and i swear go crazy.
if i want you to know, i will let you know myself.
DO NOT ASK FOR MY GRADES.so you know, i flunked this semester.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYONE MORE STUPID THAN ME?
i'm tired of all you people gloating at me.
i'm tired. tired. tired. TIRED. DAMNIT.
stop driving me crazy.
spread the love at 9:24 AM Y
.Friday, May 30, 2008
everyday at work is a new experience.
the kids made me angry yesterday. i shouted.
yes i did. i'm sad i did but i did.
i lost my patience with them.
today, 2 of them wrote me super sweet letters that made me feel like crying after reading them to say sorry.
and one said sorry face to face (:
although they do piss you off once in a while, they are angels actually.
really. (:
brought them to the playground today for a while then it started to rain.
i sat around till their parents came to pick them up one by one!
babee came to fetch me from work today (:
we went for dinner at mayim before watching:
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
LOVELOVELOVE this show! there's absolutely nothing bad about it.
i love the fight scenes and the parts when they tried to sneakily move about.
i also love the cute little mice (: i should find a picture of them.
thanks love for the dinner and movie date!
behind my facade, sadness hides.
spread the love at 12:30 AM Y
.Tuesday, May 27, 2008
WORK WORK WORK AND LOVIN' IN IT (:
YESTERDAY was my first day of my summer job! (:
haha. just in case you were wondering, i'm working at a day care centre at bukit batok near keming primary school.
i got a class on 12 pupils who are all from primary 5.
ocassionally, i will get to look after the little angels in primary 1 and 2 (: they are such sweetpeas!
my first day of work was tiring and torturous actually.
haha. they were rude and they were lazy and noisy :(
i had to spend 7 hours with them forcing them to do their english work
we were so busy that we hardly had time to eat.
so i grabbed a tuna puff from the caltex near by and a crab stick from old chang kee and headed back to work!
i have never marked so much work before.
oh and the worst part of it all was i had no answer keys, so while they were doing their work, i had to do the exact work they were doing, check their school homework to make sure they get them right, keep them quiet and answer all their questions!
HELL IT WAS A LOT OF WORK. i was drained after that i didn't even have the energy to bank in babee's cheque! sorry dear!
went to work slightly earlier today to mark their work.
and it's really heartbreaking to see how badly their doing.
some can even score zero for vocab and grammar! :( it's really really saddening.
BUT AS MUCH AS THEY PISS ME OFF, I'M THERE TO HELP THEM. (:
i shall persevere no matter how NOISY they are.
how much of my voice i actually lose
how many days i might have to eat puffs from caltex!
oh i had to look after the primary ones, twos and fives today cos there was a lack of teachers! mygoodness me. the only word i kept hearing was "teacher teacher!"
haha. it's quite cute after a while but it does drain you running here and there.
but i LOVE LOVE LOVE children so much that for some strange reason, i'm not angry with them one bit (:
maybe i should really become a teacher.
they can shout back and talk back and call me names, it didn't bother me at all (:
I DIDN'T GET ANGRY AND I DIDN'T SHOUT AT THEM.
just that talking over the noise they are making can make me lose my voice.
plus the dry aircon conditions with the lack of water. :( boo.
i'm happy with my job (:
2 THUMBS UP! (:
WE GOT GAMES DAY ON THE 13TH AND EXCURSION SOON (:
spread the love at 9:27 PM Y
.Sunday, May 25, 2008
i miss megumi :(
saturday!
i received an email from megumi! (: i have no idea whether she was in thailand or japan when she sent that email!
but she attached a picture together with it! damn sweet.
YEONG LELE, SHE PUT OUR PRESENT ON DISPLAY IN HER ROOM IN THAILAND (:
haha. i was a damn happy girl to see that she's okay and enjoying massages and good food and loads of shopping while she's on holiday.
i miss megumi already :(
went to my dermatologist on saturday again! boo.
i hate going there. i watched no reservations at babee's house while he was taking his nap. haha.
headed to dengzhi's house for DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DRAW BETTER THAN THIS?
it's just PICTIONARY!
girls vs boys. haha. the guys came up with unbelievable words to draw like processor, phyrotechniques, ammunition :( bullies. and even came up with ONE disgusting word.
haha. we weren't any more merciful than they were. it was fun.
and THE GIRLS WON! hence, we did not have to face the punishment of getting drawn on our arms!
left at like 2am and so i stayed over at babee's house.
SORRY LELE for making you worry :((( i didn't mean to. marilou forgot to tell mama! haha.
came home sweet home!
suffered from horrid cramps after my sumptous dinner of fish, chicken curry, jellyfish, stewed chicken and fried prawns. all home made by mama the chef. (:
thankyou babee for distracting me through my pain by talking to me! haha (:
WORK STARTS TOMORROW!
i'm prepared to face up to my challenges! i've been mentally prepared about a few naughty children a one very rude one. i shall brace myself.
my goal for the 2 months!
1. not get fired! hahaha.
2. change the attitude of that one child (teach her about respect)
3. help the half of the class that are failing english to pass.
4. have an impact (little or great) on any of the children there.
(:
spread the love at 11:04 PM Y
.Friday, May 23, 2008
HOORAY!
AIN'T SHE GORGEOUS?
I am rejoicing for TWO reasons today.
one. i start work next monday (:
yes. i'm in charge of 12 not so little primary 5 children.
my duties are to send them to and fro school for remedials, bring them out for excursions, help them in their academics and during our free time, play xbox and watch tv with them! (:
though the working hours are long and the pay isn't fantastic, it's a job for self-fulfilment.
i find joy in watching all these little rascals running around, screaming at each other and giggling (: such joy. call it maternal instincts or whatever, i love children :D
two. I WENT SWIMMING TODAY!
i havent' exercised for about one semester and i finally convinced my lazy self to go swimming.
i didn't swim much (only 20 laps of the 20-25m mini pool) but it's a start.
i didnt' want to overexert myself.
the weather has been terrible.
i went down for my final interview and review of my "test paper" which i took on wednesday and could only solve all questions the primary school way.
went to trim my fringe. and now i look likea kid again.
preparing for the role to blend in with those angels.
i spent most of my day watching korean dramas and national geographic with grandmama (:
i fell asleep cos i didn't have good rest last night.
and i went swimming.
only to feel ultra hungry after that so i stuffed my face again.
watched more tv with grandmama and massaged my aching limbs.
called my sponsors to update them on our side. (:
basically, my day.
baby's supposed to come over tonight to say hello and spend some quality time with me since he's been very busy working.
and i'm going to start work soon so i can't pop by his office to say hello during his lunch hour anymore :(
but he's at the hiding place with his mumsy.
so i shall see him tomorrow i guess. and make the best out of the last day i'll spend with him proper until i end work again :(
boo.
spread the love at 10:00 PM Y
.Thursday, May 22, 2008
shitty shitty bangbangs
everything is still my fault.
i should just shoot myself in the head and die.
i hate the days i have to update the other blog.
i had the most horrifying nightmare of all time today when i was taking my afternoon nap.
everything was just so vivid. it's was scary.
as i walked into the classroom, i saw a friend.
she was in pain, in tear. the face i could not see. the situation i could not comprehend.
there was another in the room. she was cursed.
she had the power to kill at will.
i offended her and she was after me. i hurt her in the knee.
though why i have no idea.
i ran and ran.
a few familiar faces stood by me in the dream.
sherilyn, ade, timothy (ade's cousin) and 2 others were there.
the walked to a white house. there, rituals of murder took place.
i saw a body hanging from the ceiling, crying for help.
i saw lots of blood.
there was a guard. he was one of them. he was after me.
i ran and ran.
to a carpark at an old building.
we found an old car and we took off. who the driver was, i don't know.
we arrived at an empty area. bare patch of ground.
it looked safe.
then i saw the lady. the one with the turquoise beaded bangles and the analogue timer.
the timer. what did it signify?
when it struck zero seconds left, she would run. run after me.
looking for me. to kill me. no, to toruture me like she did to the others i saw.
sherilyn and i fled. where were the others?
the exact words were to look for a shop with a courtyard behind.
the shop had decor of ancient oriental furniture with a touch or modernity.
it was a secret hideout. there were others there.
who they were, i didn't know.
the others were left behind. we tried to make contact.
it didn't get through till we were running out of hope.
they said they were at a place full of people.
then i knew, we knew, they were in trouble. the place WAS bare and empty
then i woke up!
damnit. what did it mean? why did i have such a dream nightmare?
i'm scared stiff. everything was so vivid. i feel it now.
BUT on a much much lighter note,
i met mumtazah for lunch today! (:
haha as usual, we went to delifrance at bukit panjang plaza for lunch.
i bought 2 sandals from there. pretty pretty (:
then we took a bus home.
was supposed to go swimming today but the weather threantened to pour on us. :(
hence, i has to be postponed till tomorrow! i can't wait. (:
i missed her. had lots to catch up on.
thanks girl for being so patient as to listen to my ramblings and waiting ever so patiently for me to try my shoes on! (:
headed home to sleep and had my horrible nightmare.
finally finished my last episode of america's next top model.
and YES, ANYA SHOULD'VE WON. not because she's skinny but her photos are way more gorgeous than witney's :D
headed to school after gobbling down a bowl of instant noodles.
rushrushrush.
had marketing meeting followed by o week meeting.
home sweet home.
AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS.
although archuleta didn't win, CONGRATULATIONS TO DAVID COOK AND ALL HIS FANS! (:
haha. yup. i've concluding that ALMOST EVERYONE i support comes in second :( it's sad.
i supported clay aiken, then diana degarmo, carrie underwood (she won :D), blake lewis and david archuleta!
then i supported renee (and she got third. boo), i supported anya, chantel, joanie antad anya!
:( boo.
in my current state of mind, i need a lot of quiet time with God now.
thankyou for reading my rubbish.
iloveyou all.
spread the love at 10:56 PM Y
.Monday, May 19, 2008
evenful (:
on saturday, i went to school for bash meeting.
it was a long but productive one.
the sponsorships are fantastic (: but we got lots of other work to do.
i wish marketing for o week was as easy :(
after that, i went to ade's house for a day of board games (:
first there was jess, sherilyn, ade and i.
so we decided to play the game of life first (: alot of interesting things happened then. haha.
jess is going to get married and get 2 pairs of twins, sherilyn was lesbian (haha) and ade and i were normal =P
marcus came after a while. we took stupid pictures till more people came.
angmoh and gene came over after a while and it was cluedo time (:
haha. because the guys kept giving us wrong info, we solved the cases wronly 2 times :( boo.
the wonderful people who spent my saturday with me! (:
we watched stardust (: i love that show!
home sweet home on the bus with sherilyn soh (:
(more pictures on facebook! haha)
anyway, went for church ushering yesterday!
after that i took a lonely bus ride to jurong to meet ade
i had lunch and we headed to marina square.
did i tell you that yesterday, just like today, was a FREAKING HOT DAY? :(
we were literally burning up. it's the kind that makes you grouchy :(
shopping (: i got a pair of heels.
& i love my zara slippers. they're damn cute :D
had a nice lovely talk with lele over calamari, tea and soda! (:
home sweet home for home cooked food. heh.
today, i headed to babee's home for a supposed movie marathon.
watched horton hears a who! followed by a quarter of the waterhorse cos it was getting draggy.
and finally we watched mr magorium's wonder emporium (:
went for dinner at the prata place again! haha. the wars of the toseh sauce!
babee walked me home and we sat outside to talk a while and i went back in!
we've decided to sleep early.
my dearest friends,
everything is better now. thank you for all the encouragement, care and concern especially to the yeong sisters for being there for me whenever i need a listening ear or just someone to show a little care (: i really thank God for the two of you girls. i have no idea how i would have survived the past few days without the both of you. i love you.
by the way, i'm better now.
babee had a talk with me about my Faith, and after a long time. i guess God works in mysterious ways. i don't want to doubt. and i'm very grateful to God for putting marc in my life. i guess he's my guiding light in my times of struggle.
i'm trying to be an early bird that catches the worm.
sadly, i stay in the west, lest it'll be much better to wake up early and watch the sunrise over a nice cuppa tea (:
it's 11.35pm. goodnight all (:
spread the love at 11:11 PM Y
.Saturday, May 17, 2008
shopperholic
went to raffles city to meet babee for lunch today (:
lau pa sarrrr. :D
walked around ps while waiting for ade and weili to appear in town!
collected my h81 dress today. IT'S PRETTY PRETTY!
met weili and ade at kino cos weili was buying some manga (i think)
met ying outside zara and walked to heeren.
weili left us there for work!
went to num for buy ying's havis. NUS MATRIC CARD GIVES US DISCOUNTS :D
sat around starbucks talking rubbish over a nice cup for java chip, steamed milk and new york chocolate muffin (: heavenly.
went shopping! (: shopping after examinations stress was good for the soul.
(reminds me, sorry honey for fighting with you over that DAMN dress)
i bought basic tanks from cotton on before meeting them, one orange clutch from topshop, ade got a me a bracelet from topshop, my h21 dress... LOTS OF BARANG BARANG.
ade got her heart print dress from topshop, presents for didi, ballball bracelet from topshop.
ying bought a bag from dp (:
shopperholics. :D
headed back to ade's house on a bus ride that took forever due to peak hour traffic and a very crowded bus! :(
MARY'S FOOD for dinner was yummy as usual. i <3 align="center">private blog updated.
live is never as perfect as it seems
spread the love at 1:49 AM Y
.Thursday, May 15, 2008
i cleared my wardrobe
i cleared my wardorbe today and look what i found
all these babies are flying off to myanmar to help the people there. watching the news and what not is terrible, the government doesnt' want to do a thing to help the local. the locals, they are crying out for less than monetary help. i guess then a way i could help was answering a call from my burmese friend. i hope my clothing will help them in a way.
my cupboard looks bare now. but it's all for the greater good of people.
winsome says "God has his own timetable i guess, even for wardrobe clearing"
i've been keeping these since lower secondary and now they're come to great use. (:
byebye clothings. but i'm happy to say goodbye to you.
i miss american idol last night. thank goodness there's youtube :D
spread the love at 1:48 PM Y
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it's 4.25am and i still can't sleep.
damn. melon.
spread the love at 4:25 AM Y
.
considering the drama in my life,
i might end up going
private.
certain dramas are best kept to a small trustable circle of friends.
just it's so difficult to abandon this place. this place who have kept a record of my life 681 times.
the night's never been so cold.
it's not raining. the sky is clear.
the earth must have lost her warmth by this hour of the night.
the silence is killing me.
the little sounds of the cricket outsite my window, the occasional sounds of the cars going by.
other than that, silence.
there's a lonely aura in the air tonight.
it's very cold. never been so cold.
i watch the hair on my arm stand and the goosepimples show.
i rub my shoulders with my hands.
friction. it creates warmth. how
ironic.
i need to work to keep my minds of things.
i need to sleep but i can't sleep.
and the story has to continue..
http://beyondthescars.blogspot.com(check your emails, my loves)
spread the love at 2:26 AM Y
.Sunday, May 11, 2008
ROJAK POST
this is no good without evil
no love without hate
no joy without sorrow
no happiness without sadness
for you. for us.
baby, i will endure through anything.
____________________
on a lighter note.
yes i've been waiting too long.
100% pure new zealand is love.
i must go there before i graduate.
went to elaine's tonight (:
i haven't seen those people in a long time.
happy to have seen them again! damn the exams. :(
steamboat was heavenly. i ate till i almost exploded.
THANKYOOOOOU ELAINE FOR THE SUGEEEES :D
i looooove them (:
took the night rider home for the first time! yes i know i'm a goon all cos we missed the last train to boon lay :( boos.
but overall, it was fun (: really really (:
since the guys DO NOT want to watch made of honour with me, WHO WANTS TO WATCH IT WITH ME?
spread the love at 2:38 AM Y
.Saturday, May 10, 2008
searching for a saviour
"if you can just ___________!"
"why can't you just ___________?"
"why couldn't you ____________?"
"and do you realised it is because of you?"
i'm sorry.
i'm to blame for everything.
if only i could make a wish and disappear.
spread the love at 2:08 AM Y
.Friday, May 09, 2008
school's out, scream and shout!
Finally summer's here
Good to be chiilin' out
I'm off the clock
The pressures out
Now my girls' what it's all about
today's your last paper? that was the most exciting words i've heard in a long long time!
even though the paper was a saddening one, SCHOOL'S OUT.
SUMMER HOLIDAYS ARE HERE (:
the people that made my celebrations all so wonderful are...
(in order of appearance)
SHERILYN NICOLE SOH!
headed down after school to the beautiful botanical gardens to wear bright neon coloured maternity wear for this wonderful friend of mine.
though i complained like crazy about the colours and the fact that i had to walk around in a public area with a 8-9month preggie cushion.
IT WAS AWESOME FUN (: the things i do for the people i love (:
MARC BABEE!
rushed back home to meet him for dinner (prata and tosei) at this place near my house.
dinner date with him is always fun. had a heart to heart talk with him over pompadams and curry together with my favourite green sauce. haha. whatever its called.
went home to shower and change for a night's out with the exam buddies.
dahling waited for me so we could walk to the bus stop together (:
WEI LI, LELE, JAREN, EVE, CHARISSA, BRIGHT, SHAWN, MEGUMI, KYNNETH, SHIRLENE AND MARCUS!
went down to mos with them for a night for r&b.
was boring at first cos there was practically no crowd and the music was those super old r&b hits.
went to grab a drink later on and went down to the damn floor for a lot of goofy times (:
shirlene was the egg yolk through the whole night while megumi was damn cute. she kept dancing away from us so we had to get her back!
fortunately, no one got drunk/high for that matter.
to you: i hope your feeling better!
and you: don't blame yourself (: it's not your fault.
(you and you, you know who you are)
all in all, i had a blast and my freedom is here!
NO MORE EXAMINATIONS AND NO MORE SCHOOL FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS!
thankyou EVERYONE who went through my exam hell with me.
all my library buddies - for enduring my little sleeping sessions in the library and watching me go kuku all of a sudden.
marc babee - for enduring my mood swings and my stressed up face and loving me despite my hideous eye bags.
mama - for cooking chicken soup for me once in a while so that i won't fall sick
ah kong - for bringing me to the doctor's when i was ill and for driving me to school during the exam period.
WOOOHOOOO (:
spread the love at 2:10 PM Y
.Tuesday, May 06, 2008
emptiness.
i miss my mummy and daddy.
i always used to complain about life with them in the house, how nosey they are, how irritating they can be.
but we dont' miss the water till the well runs dry.
as humans, we take things for granted all the time, especially the people closest to us.
i feel empty now. like there's something missing in life.
my brother's gone as well. studying overseas.
leaving me with my grandmama and grandpapa at home with me.
but there's always a little light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm very thankful for my girlfriend, adeline yeong, who has been going through all my stressful periods in my life. especially the studying of the damn exams which i think i'm going to flunk. that aside, we've been goofing aroud and all, staying in school till late and going for dinner with our other pals (: thankyou girlfriend. congratulations, your exams are ending tomorow and i'm happy for you. think of me in your shopping.
then comes the person i feel i may have taken granted for, my boyfriend, marc chan. the person who has changed so much for me and done so much for me. so much that it kinda sucks that i can't give back as much as i've given. he's been giving me much emotional support during my down periods. though we may have much problems of our own, sooner or later, i know he'll be there to support me again. thankyou honey.
these two people have been the brightest angels in my life.
i do not discount the fact that my other friends have been there for me, making life a little more meaningful.
there's my mg dahlings, my jc buddies, my vips and my nus (never thought of a name for you) but you know who you are.
these are the people whose been telling me that everythings okay. life is not as bad as it seems to be. and there's always HOPE. yes . HOPE. something i need. something i desire i life.
i
must find my confidence to face anything in life again.
social work is over.
geography and sociology to go.
congratulations to my baby on his new found job! (:
spread the love at 8:54 PM Y
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love is a stronger force than we know
spread the love at 7:46 PM Y
.Sunday, May 04, 2008
i'm so stressed i'm willing to kill someone.
it's just a figure of speech :D
after reading soci, i've decided it' takes a lot of guts and strength to be a perfect mum.
i aim to be that. but in today's world, how is it even possible to get anywhere close to that.
we all know that a cry for help falls on deaf ears.will you even care if one cries out desperately?or will you wait till its too late?till the person fades away into the shadow will you always be there for the ones you love?or are they just words?
sometimes i just feel abandoned.
spread the love at 2:00 PM Y
.
firstofmaytwothousand&eight
happy eight months babee (:
studying session at lele's very very very good cos there is a lot of foooood there :D
went to rocky's with babee after that for pizza. :D yummy.
we live the lives of children
playing the game of hide and seek
children laugh, children cry
keeping their little secrets
throwing their little tantrums
why then do you hide from me?
why then do you keep things from me?
my face it smiles. my heart it cries.
transparency i believe in it no more.
spread the love at 12:22 AM Y
